


What You Wish to Keep

by MoonlitMusings



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Angst, M/M, but not anywhere near as sad as what we got, hey look another final resting place fix-it, not a happy ending per se, this time in alternate ending form
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-10-09 03:59:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10403439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlitMusings/pseuds/MoonlitMusings
Summary: An alternate ending for Final Resting Place. What if Peter had woken up when Juno was getting ready to leave?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to trinitydrawing on tumblr for the request!
> 
> Title is from The Only Fault by Rachael Yamagata which is such a Final Resting Place song it hurts.

I woke up when I felt the bed shift and Juno get up. I was about to drift back to sleep, assuming Juno was merely getting up for a glass of water or to use the restroom, but then I heard the soft rustle of fabric, a zipper being pulled up, a belt being buckled. I sat up, my drowsiness rapidly fading.

“Juno?” His hands froze on the button of his shirt. After a moment, he turned to look at me, and if his intentions hadn’t been clear enough already, I could see them written across his face, even in the dim light of the room. My heart ached. I’d suspected something like this might happen, but I had desperately hoped it wouldn’t.

“I…” He searched for something to say. I shook my head. He sighed and took a seat on the edge of the bed.

“Talk to me,” I pleaded.

“I… What do you want me to say, Nureyev?”

“Well, telling me why you’re leaving would be a nice place to start.”

“I…” He huffed out a bitter laugh. “I can’t go with you.” I worked to keep my voice steady.

“Why not?”

“It’s…” He hesitated, seeming to search for the words. “I can’t leave this city. Not forever. It’s… It may be a godawful city, but it’s my godawful city. It’s… home. It’s as much a part of me as I am of it. I can’t just leave that behind.” I listened, thought about his words, took a moment to weigh my options.

“Okay.” His head snapped up to look at me, confusion written across his face.

“What?”

“Okay. You can’t leave, and I have to go. But…” I reached over and laid my hand on top of his, winding our fingers together. He squeezed my hand when I did, and it made me feel a bit better. “That does not preclude other arrangements. I have to leave, but that doesn’t mean I can’t come back. A few weeks away, a few weeks on Mars… I think we could strike a nice balance, if we tried.” Juno nodded, but looked away, remaining silent. “Unless…” I swallowed around the lump in my throat. I hated to ask the question, mostly because I was afraid of the answer, but it had to be done. “Unless that’s not the only reason.” He turned his face further from my view, and my throat grew tight. “Juno, if… If you don’t… I know better than to take what you said in the tomb at face value. You were under an unbelievable amount of pressure, we both were, and I know people say a lot of things when they’re staring death in the eye. So if you… if whatever you saw in my head made you rethink your feelings for me, or you never really felt that strongly about me to begin with, then I’ll deal with that. But I would ask you at least tell me if that’s the case.” He turned back to me, and he almost looked angry.

“No, that’s not- Not feel that strongly about you? Fuck, Peter, I almost died, and the only thing I cared about was making sure you were safe. What I saw in your head, it… I… I know about Mag.” My heart skipped a beat. I hadn’t heard that name in 20 years, and it brought forward a lot of things I’d tried to forget.

“Oh?” It was a strangled noise, but it’s all I could manage. He nodded.

“I… I know what happened, on New Kinshasa. I know what you did, how he’d lied to you… I… I don’t blame you. That kind of betrayal is… And you were just a kid… No. That didn’t change the way I feel about you.”  
Feel. Present tense. My shoulders had felt lighter as soon as the words “don’t blame you” had left his lips, but the fact that he said “feel” instead of “felt” made my heart soar. I tried to get my emotions back under control, though. Feel or felt, he was still about to leave, and I still didn’t know why.

“Then what is it, Juno? If you still love me, and I still love you, what’s wrong?” He looked away again, and we were silent for what felt like hours, though it was likely no more than a minute.

“I… Why do you?” I blinked.

“What?”

“Why do you? Um… feel... that way… about me? I’m-” Another bitter laugh. “I’m a fucking mess, Nureyev. I’m just… And you’re so… You could do so much better than me. You _deserve_ so much better than me. And as much as I want you, I’m not gonna stick around to wait for you to realize that. I… I couldn’t…” I couldn’t decide if I was more sad for him, or angry at him.

“Juno-”

“Don’t- Don’t try to tell me it’s not true. You said you loved me, and I know you believe that. You do, for now. But things like that, like this, they don’t work out for me, Nureyev. Soon enough I’m gonna do something, and you’ll realize you’re better off without me.”

“You mean like walking out on me in the middle of the night without so much as a goodbye?” He flinched, tried to pull his hand away, but mine held firm. “Juno, you do realize that self-sabotage only happens if you actively sabotage yourself, right? You don’t have to do this. You may argue that I haven’t seen you at your worst, but I’d say I’ve seen enough to know what I’m getting into. _I love you_ , Juno. Your strengths and your flaws. I want to make this work, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make you believe that I’m not going to grow tired of you and toss you aside.”

“Seriously? You, the guy that can’t stop moving from one planet to the next? The guy always eager to see something new?” I scowled.

“That’s different, and you know it.”

“Is it?”

“Yes! You are not some, some, picturesque view! You’re not a new landmark to see or a new food to try! You are _so much more_ than that. You’re… You’re a good book to be read over and over again, a new detail discovered each time. You’re a favorite song that you never grow tired of listening to. You’re comfort food, that makes you happier than any expensive meal ever could. You’re…” I knew I was crying by this point, the tears running hot down my cheeks, but I didn’t care. “You’re… You, Juno Steel, feel more like home than any place I’ve been or anyone I’ve met in decades. And that’s not a feeling I will _ever_ grow tired of.” He was silent, and it took me a moment to realize that he was crying too. “Juno…”

“Please.” His voice sounded so small, so broken, that my heart broke right along with it. “Please don’t… I know. I know how this ends, Nureyev. I’ve seen it enough times to know exactly how this goes. Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.” It took a moment for me to understand what he was referring to.

“Juno… You do realize that not all relationships end up like the ones in the cases that come across your desk, don’t you?” He stayed silent, so I decided to push. “I’ll do whatever it takes to prove to you that I’m not going anywhere. We can take it slow, if you like, or I can go out and buy you a ring as soon as the shops open. Tell me what you need, Juno, and I’ll do it.” He looked at me, wary, and maybe even a little afraid.

“I…” He sighed. “Maybe just some time, Nureyev. I… The past, god, however many days… It’s been a lot. Just, give me some time, alright?” I knew he didn’t mean it, but I also knew it was the best I would be able to get from him that night.

“Alright. I can do that. Do… I don’t suppose you’re coming back to bed, now.” He hesitated, before shaking his head.

“I think it would be better if I went home. I… I need to clear my head.”

“I understand. I… I was hoping we might go to Io together for a short time, but as that’s not happening… I do have some assets there that I’d like to pick up. It should be about a week and a half, round trip. I… Perhaps I could go and we could talk more when I come back?” My heart raced as I waited for his reply. Finally, he nodded.

“Yeah, alright.” I could tell he didn’t think that was going to happen. As sad as that made me, he also didn’t have to. _I_ knew I would be back. Still, I couldn’t help but try to reassure him.

“I _will_ come back, Juno. I promise.” He gave me a sad smile.

“Whatever you say, Nureyev.” He stood and buttoned his shirt, before putting on his shoes and slipping on his coat. On impulse, I got up and walked towards him.

“Juno?” He turned towards me, and before he had the chance to say anything, I pulled him in for a kiss. Nothing grand, nothing that could be interpreted as a last goodbye, just a gentle press of the lips. “I love you,” I said as I pulled away.

“I-” he stopped before he said it, giving me that same sad smile. “I’ll see you next time, Nureyev.”

“You will,” I replied decisively. I released his coat. “Goodnight, Juno.”

“Goodnight, Nureyev.” And with that, he turned and walked out the door. I got back into bed, though I knew I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep for some time. Instead, I pulled out my tablet and booked a ticket for Io, as well as one from there back to Mars. Juno may not have believed me, then, but I was going to make sure I kept my promise. If nothing else, I would give him every reason to believe me in the future.


End file.
